The Peaceful Solution

Every argument with your partner, every honk in a traffic jam and every annoying TV host gives you the chance to check in with yourself to see where you really stand on the inner plane of reality. It’s easy to postulate the choice of peace over war, but in the midst of a heated stand-off we are often more interested in being right than in being peaceful. Whenever you care more about the validity of your argument over the connection with the person you’re with, the hard truth of the matter is that you would rather be right than be at peace.

Some of the hardest words to utter in the midst of a disagreement are “You’re right” and “You have a point.” I don’t know what it is about acknowledging someone else’s point of view that is so terrifying to us. It seems like any alternative threatens to unearth the core of our identity. As such it’s hard not to segregate the world into an “us versus them” paradigm that sections off people who are like you from people who are not like you. It’s easy to judge others, blame them and make them wrong, but harder to point the finger at yourself, take responsibility and see the solution. Yet yoga asks you to do just that.

When you begin the path of yoga you begin the path of self-inquiry. In such a field there is no room for the justifications of fear driven emotions. Instead there is only the realization that all spiritual teaching seeks to give, that is, that we are all truly one. It is the experience of oneness that inspires conscious action, compassionate dialogue and mutual understanding. It is this perspective that truly creates peace. A Course in Miracles says that the best defense is to drop all attack and in such a way do we create a bond of unity between all beings.

It takes a great mind to see unity where there is division. It takes a truly enlightened perspective to see peace where there is war. It takes immeasurable courage to see healing where there is hurt. It takes a noble spirit to see hope where there is despair. And it takes limitless power to see love where there is hate. Whatever you see in others reflects clearly what you see most in yourself. The world and its multifarious people are your greatest mirror.

by Kino MacGregor
Copyright 2009 Kino MacGregor | All rights reserved

The Quiet Strength of a Woman’s Body Part 1

Published by FitYoga June 2008

In a political year where the first viable female contender for the Oval Office is in the running, the question on the tip of every woman’s tongue is what defines a strong woman. Is a female leader one who learns to master a man’s world? Or is there some other essence that is at play in a woman’s claim to empowerment?

Far from being a respite from the politicized arena of gender politics the yoga world sometimes makes deeply held assumptions about male and female roles more evident. Contemporary dogmas of what is possible for men and women contribute to what yoga practitioners believe is possible for male and female bodies. If you’re a woman you might wonder whether you’re the wrong shape, size, weight or gender to actually be able to catapult your woman’s hips through the air and resign yourself to being flexible. But this type of thinking undermines both a true sense of power for either gender.

In yoga there is an unfair assumption that all men effortlessly perform gravity-defying lift-ups and all women snake their way into all manner of flexible positions. While the mindset of teachers, students and traditions often perpetuates some very traditional gender roles, the reality of yoga practitioners tells a different story. There are men who are hypermobile and unable to lift their butts off the ground and there are women who are stiff as a board but able to balance unwaveringly in a handstand. One of yoga greatest lessons is that there are no universal standards for bodies and that all bodies, genders, races and ages have the ability to benefit from and master this ancient practice.

That being said, if you’re a woman it’s still easy to discount yourself when you peer into the lexicon of masterful yoga DVDs from strong, skinny men like Rodney Yee, David Swenson, Richard Freeman, Chuck Miller and Sharath Rangaswamy. Your child-bearing hips and soft curves may look nothing like these master teachers’ sinewy legs. When you look for evidence that women can actually be strong in the yoga world you dig into the very essence of femininity. Sometimes it seems like women who can perform gravity-defying feats and achieve political success have overcompensated toughness to excell a male-dominated world. Locking down traits typically associated with femaleness like softness, openness, emotionality, and tenderness means that powerful women are often feared for their harshness. The word “bitch” is often indistinguishable from assertive when applied to a woman’s presence. Some people are afraid of Ana Forrest and many call Hillary Clinton an ice-queen.

Trading quintessential female traits to succeed in a man’s world devalues the essence of a woman. The complexity of gender is such that there are no easy answers to what constitutes essential male or female traits. My personal journey into yoga lead me to ask the very difficult question of whether there is a natural strength in a woman’s body that is different, but not less than a man’s. I began my journey into yoga nearly ten years ago as the stereotypical flexible girl with no strength. In awe of the mysterious lift-up, all arm balances, handstands and vinyasas I looked critically at my extra cushioning around the bum, small arms and petite frame and blamed my shape and gender for what I could not easily do. Male teachers in the Western world meaning well simply let me slide, saying that they did not expect women to actually match men’s strength. Movement based, scientifically backed anatomy books state that women’s bodies have a lower center of gravity and therefore have a different set of rules to work with and cast women as the physically weaker gender. Science, stereotypes and points of view could have created an artificial limit, but I dug in deeper.

My ninety-three year old master teacher Sri K. Pattabhi Jois said one day in a group conference in Mysore, India in his iconographic borken-English, “Yoga changing. Now some women very strong. Correct asana performing possible. Before, not possible. Now possible. All women doing all asanas o.k.” Krishnamacharya, all our teachers’ teacher, was the first Brahmin teacher to allow women into the secret study of the Indian sacred texts and is also quoted as saying that women are the future of yoga. In the arena of a quickly equalizing realm of power it is fitting that women’s role in yoga also changes and evolves. The basic teaching in yoga is the unification of extremes and in that light it is appropriate that both men and women are asked to move towards a balance between strength and flexibility. When I attempted to experience this balance in my own body I was pushed to the very limit of my physical, emotional and spiritual potential. Just as in any situation that pushes the envelope of possibility existential questions as to the nature and reality of my being took form and shape in my daily practice.

continued in next section

The Quiet Strength of a Woman’s Body Part 2

After years of practice and mastery over seemingly impossible postures there is now no doubt that women have an equal type of strength too. Marrianne Williamson says that a true woman’s power is magnetic, attractive and visionary.  A woman’s body receives, nurtures, gives, produces, holds, bears, bends, grows, shrinks and sometimes even breaks only to rebuild. Rather than an exposed sexual organ in the heart of every female form rests a womb that is a great, silent and dark potential for life. This darkness that draws its archetype from the Lunar cycle pulls energy, tides, change, life force and fertility to it. Where a man’s body has muscles to push, thrust and engage, a woman’s body beckons, seduces and contains. It is in this crucial difference where women must find their strength in the yoga practice and in life. Not in emulating the deep belly thrust of a man’s world but in tapping into a uniquely feminine way to engage the world will women touch the mystery of true female power.

If women deny the reality of the female body, including its cycles and birth-potential, then the feminine soul is still held in highly contentious chains. If female yogis simply grunt, grin and bear it while toughening their skins, then their feminine softness is enslaved by the tension in their jaws. Instead real female strength comes from embracing the softness and solidity of every curve. Having practiced the challenged Advanced Series of Ashtanga Yoga continuously for the last five years I find that endurance, pragmatism and grace are well within the domain of my woman’s body, strength and soul. A man’s strength is louder, directed outward, striving, reaching and sometimes fighting. It’s not to say that women don’t fight or aren’t violent, but that in a woman’s body violence takes on another form. A woman’s sometimes smaller body cannot simply mimic male form in the physical world to succeed. In order to perform the same feats of strength with the graceful heart of a woman the female body must learn to access its natural reserves of strength by honoring the female form in and of itself. This strength lies not in forceful thrusting, but instead in determining exactly how and where to work, with a perfect mix of strength and grace.

For most of my life I have carried the residue of the 1970s feminism in my genes and on a subtle level fought and vied for male power while never really loving the men in my life. Yoga’s given me the gift of real and total self adoration and in that sphere I rest as a strong woman with a sense of the beauty and power of my woman’s body. A woman who loves herself is also able to love and celebrate men as they truly are. In every handstand, arm balances, backbend, and gravity-defying lift-up I do not seek to replicate the male form, but instead to allow the flow of my female life to course through my veins, muscles, body, mind and soul.

Women are the great gate-keepers of the world. Our “yes” permits entry to the inner space of our bodies, while our “no” draws lines of approval and disapproval. In our ability to choose, to gather and to draw we find our true empowerment. Not in emulating the boisterous strength of men, but instead shining like the full moon on a clear night we are graceful, iconic, powerful, beautiful, mesmerizing, enchanting and captivating. In the yoga practice strength must come for women as well as men. When it comes it is not at the expense of the graceful female form but as an enhancement of it, for it is a quiet strength that lies within a woman’s body.

by Kino MacGregor
Copyright 2009 Kino MacGregor | All rights reserved

Relax into Your Practice

If you’re looking for a sense of ease, grace and effortlessness in your practice, the key lies in finding a sense of spaciousness in your mind. There is a way to practice and to be with your body to create the kind of neurological and structural foundations for a complete sense of openness. There is a way to literally get more flexible without collapsing the core stabilizing patterns of the body. In this way you may learn to practice all types of yoga with an inner awareness that has relaxation as its basis.

Openness in the body relates to acceptance as a state of mind. Acceptance takes in reality in totality and sees without delusion what’s possible and available in the given moment and works with that. Only when we relax the high standards around ourselves, our lives and our practice can we open to that level where apparent set-backs transform into moments for deeper learning. In each moment you are always evolving.

The first step along the path toward allowing more openness into your life is to search out all the places where you’re closed down. Explore the ways in which you experience yourself being contracted, aggressive, tight or tense. Then without trying to change anything about yourself, observe what you see clearly, the location and source of your habitual patterns and your reaction to your observations, all the while practice accepting exactly where you are. Before you can accept the world outside for its apparent shortcoming, you must first practice accepting and being open to your own. Then your body and mind relaxes.

Remaining open in a relaxed field of being is one of the greatest tests of the human spirit. A true state of openness gives birth to new life in each moment, accepting what is as it is. A true state of openness has both dynamic flexibility and a solid foundation.

by Kino MacGregor
Copyright 2009 Kino MacGregor | All rights reserved

Relaxing Attachment and Allowing Life

Do you ever find yourself holding on so tightly to a desired outcome that you are a filled with anxiety, tension or blind ambition? Have you ever wanted to do a yoga posture so badly so that you are literally obsessing about it and can talk of almost nothing else? This is perhaps the definition of unhealthy attachment at its core. Yet at the same time the driven mind directed at a task at hand is one of the most powerful tools we have to change our lives. So the question then becomes not how to rid ourselves of our desires or our drive but instead how to train our mind to work towards our desires without the unnecessary tension of attachment. For it is often just at the moment when we truly let go that everything we want arrives with ease.

Your state of mind influences every movement you make. Hold on too tightly and there will always be an insatiability at the core of all your actions and no peace within the intensity of your grip. The only reason we ever hold on for dear life to goals, achievements or desires is because we have attached our identity to the material form of the actualization of those dreams. And while there is perhaps nothing more satisfying in life than the experience of moving from a place where your dreams are not yet manifest into the full expression of your dreams, the attainment itself will not make you happy, relaxed or free. Instead only by learning to be happy and free right now will you find happiness and freedom in your life at all. Intense attachment to a particular goal often also creates a pervasive anxiety that only leads to misery, pain and suffering elsewhere in your life. No amount of achievement will satisfy this inner tension if you cannot learn to allow life to flow freely through you by relaxing your attachment to the outcome.

When you care more about your attainment of the goal than the experience of attaining the goal you often place undue value on the goal itself. In doing so you may even think that the ends justify the means. Yet no goal, success or thing is worth sacrificing your peace of mind or your principles along the way. If you enjoy the process rather than remain attached to goal you will find greater freedom and flexibility in your life now. Sometimes even when a long-desired goal is attained a feeling of loneliness, dissatisfaction or loss remains.

This strange paradox exists because of an illusory identification in the goals themselves. Real happiness exists right here and now within you and is not dependent on your attainment of anything. If you locate your self-worth in your actions or your ability to do things then you will only hold on too tightly to these things you want to attain. If you locate your sense of self worth as independent of actions, goals or achievements then you are free to enjoy the process of working towards your dreams without unhealthy attachment. Around in a state of emotional detachment devoid of expression, but instead so that you will know that your deepest sense of self exists outside the realm of things, goals and material success. By practicing releasing attachments you let go of your intense identification with the world of materiality and begin to relax and play with life in a state of joy. The odd thing is that often the moment when you experience the state of vairagya, things that you have literally been slaving for often arrive with little or no effort. Life energy cannot flow when you grip too tightly and when you relax you allow life to flow through you. It is the current of life, not your stressed out state of panic, that delivers the gifts of success, attainment and accomplishment to you.

When I began practicing yoga I naively thought the postures or asanas themselves would lead me to enlightenment and so I held onto the form of the physical postures so tightly that I simply had no peace in my body. Over time I realized that enlightenment is not a state achieved by any posture, nor is it one readily attainable through mere yoga postures. Instead any inner awakening must come from a personal revolution of consciousness where your inner being comes fully alive.

Once attachment even to the form of yoga itself softens then the energy of life flows through the body during practice. Until that moment of release the outward manifestations of effortful attachment can be seen in the tension in practitioners' jaws, the white knuckles of a hand bound too tightly in challenging asanas, the self-inflicted injury of pushing too hard past sensitive knees, over-engaged fingers reaching into space with a latent aggression or a spine that breaks but does not bend. When you literally relax into an acceptance and a knowingness of your deepest sense of self then you move into a subtlety of movement that is the embodiment of grace. As you release your attachment to perfection then you will know what it means to be perfect as you are.

Relax into the postures you find most challenging and invite the joy of movement into your being. Practice until the attachment to form vanishes and transcend your physicality by reaching a deeper understanding of yourself. Trade the effortful for the graceful and allow life to live itself powerfully through you. "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

by Kino MacGregor

The Silver Lining of Soul

Have you ever walked into a string of extremely unfortunate events? Imagine that your partner leaves you for a younger, prettier, wealthier, funnier version of yourself the moment you feel deeply insecure about your body. Then the government slams you with $4,000 of extra taxes to paid right after you quit your job. And in your yoga practice you injure your hamstring right after your shoulder finally started to get back into shape. There are often weeks, months or even years that may have you wondering what the Divine plan for your life is really all about anyway.

Yet your darkest moments offer the greatest potential for growth. In the stormy clouds of life’s inevitable series of setbacks you will find the silver lining of your soul. It isn’t when everything in your life clicks along in an upbeat winning streak that you ask the toughest questions of your life. The search for meaning walks hand in hand with the reality of struggle. When it’s cheap, free and easy, it’s can also be meaningless, light and unbearable. Sometimes people fundamentally reevaluate their life’s purpose, direction and drive after a life-threatening illness. Others do so after a momentous or inspirational meeting with a person, mentor or role model. Many have also voluntarily chosen to face the deluge of bad news that arrives at their doorstep through the power of yoga.

Eckhart Tolle says that every single person interested in spirituality today has suffered and it is the suffering that created their interest in the deeper dimension of life. So it is that yoga as a spiritual path offers a unique kind of salvation, one that promises not to remove you from your suffering but one that teaches you how to love, live with and accept the reality of life as it really is, good and bad days just the same. You see, the bad news comes knocking at your door and threatens to pull you under a permanent shadow of depression, anger or defeat completely uninvited. If you run from it, fight it or try to escape, you’re doomed to fail someday. Every person on Earth has a day that’s better off spent in bed no matter how cheerful, sunny and bright their disposition might be. The glitteratti, celebrity and royalty all have bad hair days. Yogis, priests and saints get angry. And there’s nothing with that. Inner peace is more a discipline of the mind than mere good luck. With the power of yoga you see the truth of life, that is, that there is nowhere to run, no place to hide, and no one to save you. All that’s left to do is begin walking along the slow, steady spiritual path, the path of freedom, truth and lasting peace.

It is when life tests you by offering the challenge of hardship that you know exactly what you’re made of. Strength and steadiness of character are defined not in moments of ease, but in moments of great duress. In the context of yoga, it is not what comes naturally and effortlessly to you that holds the greatest power of transformation. That which is far from your sense of normal has the ability to make you a new person for it is in these moments that you will have a mirror with which to see yourself clearly. Much of my personal journey in yoga has been about developing strength and steadiness both of the body and mind. At moments of great challenge, my first inclination is to quit, give up and grow melancholic and self-pitying. One of yoga’s greatest gifts to me is the awareness that exactly when I want to throw in the towel is exactly when I need to push through, not harshly with unnecessary crass force, but from the core of my being, gently, powerfully and with exactly the right amount of strength and grace.

by Kino MacGregor
Copyright 2009 Kino MacGregor | All rights reserved

Staying Through the Storm

Confrontation is a grey zone on the spiritual path. Should you fight your way out of a defeatist victim-mentality? Or should you take a few breathes to ventilate your hostility before taking your inner rage out on your fellow freeway drivers? When is it appropriate to stick up for yourself & when is it time to quietly wait out the storm?

Anger, whether my own or someone else's, has always been challenging for me. I remember the shock of experiencing the seething kind of backlash that years of unexpressed boundaries can bring about, and then, realizing that my anger was just that: mine. No matter how awful the situation, how many friends agree, how righteous you are, how indignant or cynical you become, no matter how grand and tragic the loss, whatever emotions you feel are always your responsibility. You always have a choice about how you respond to life.

The basic teaching of spiritual practice is to find yourself in the midst of your greatest challenge and stay. In moments where you find anger arising, try closing your eyes, reconnecting with your breathe & staying with the experience of you. See how it goes. What does this do? It at least breaks the cycle of adding fuel to the fire in the midst of a full-blown blaze. It at least gives you a little pause in an otherwise very sticky situation. It at least gives you an extra moment to find the strength to choose an enlightened action over the pattern of aggressively acting out, escaping into pleasure, or numbing-out in denial.

There is magic in staying with what Tibetan teacher Pema Chodron calls "the places that scare you". For in those truly empowering moments you bear witness to the law of impermanence. Whatever aries in your experience, no matter how solid and sticky, will change. All emotions flow if we don't hold onto them. Sooner or later, the seemingly solid righteousness of anger yields and gives way to the soft, forgiveness of peace and understanding. The greatest storm will pass and the sun will rise again another day.

Albert Einstein says that you cannot solve a problem from the same level of thinking that created it. And so it is. Anger cannot create peace. Itching the scab that started the whole conflagration won't end it. A middle way exists for this tempting emotion as well. The powerful choice to stay gives you the opportunity to create the space of transformation in your life today.

by Kino MacGregor
Copyright 2009 Kino MacGregor | All rights reserved