Kino's Yogi Assignment Blog

The Story of Yoga: From Darkness to Light by Kino MacGregor

There are people and things that I still don’t understand. Sometimes I barely understand myself. It’s like there’s a puzzle inside my mind and heart and every day I get one more clue. At first I had no idea what the big picture looked like because I was so focused on the individual pieces and whether or not they fit. But now after I’ve been on the spiritual path for years it feels like each step I take is one more piece of the puzzle falling into place. The story it all tells looks like love, gratitude and a whole lot of forgiveness.

I have tripped and fallen so many times that I’ve lost count. The thing that keeps me going amidst doubt, heartache and failure is a stubborn hope like an ache that won’t go away. I wake up each day and tell myself that I’ve got to be humble enough to put in the work, whatever it takes, no matter how long it takes. The world doesn’t owe me something. I want no chips on my shoulder, no self-righteous entitlement, no self-pity. I want to stand on my own two feet and let actions speak for themselves. You can never give up on yourself. You have to be strong enough to believe in yourself and your dreams and humble enough to put in the work. Wake up each morning and train your mind to be filled faith. Step by step, piece by piece, breath by breath your world will change to a more peaceful place.

I have had moments when I felt like I could do no wrong, when I felt so much in the flow that it seemed like everything thought and action were blessed. But then the bubble burst. I woke up to the harsh reality that even though it felt perfect it really wasn’t. I was covered by the invincibility of naïveté. I was ignorant to people’s intentions and allowed myself to be used. I contributed to the hurt and followed my bliss straight over someone else. I lost some friends, or I should say that I found out who my real friends are. I learned some hard lessons, some that I’m still recovering from.

My heart was broken. I cried and sighed a lot. I woke up one day and saw the cost of everything, all the good and all the bad and how hard we all work and I was overwhelmed. I woke up to the pain, not only my own, but all the pain and suffering of everyone. It nearly broke me. I remember thinking nearly every day that my life was stuck on some repetitive cycle like a broken record, that there was a glitch in the matrix of my mind that just kept on repeating. I remember being desperate to get out. But the more I fought it, the worse it got. The harder I ran the closer all my pain seemed to be. I had nowhere left to turn.

There, nearly drowned in a sea of my own suffering, with nothing left to lose, I woke up to true light. But first I had to close the door to the darkness. I had to choose the light. Then, a beacon on the path ahead of me called out and gently led me out of the abyss and with loving hands rebuilt every fiber of my being.

The miraculous act of love is forgiveness and healing so that the pain is gone. The whole journey of yoga is about that and maybe nothing more.